


Don't You See Me?

by jfcmartin



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Alcohol, Drunkenness, Friends to Lovers, House Party, M/M, Pastel Dan and Punk Phil, pastel!dan, probably unrealistic tipsiness, punk!phil
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-29
Updated: 2016-09-29
Packaged: 2018-08-17 01:23:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,774
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8125123
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jfcmartin/pseuds/jfcmartin
Summary: Phil is terrified of confessing his feelings for Dan, but will he find the strength to do so in a room full of drunk and horny teenagers?Beta reader: officialtrump (yes the lizard man himself beta-d my gay fan fiction thanks pal)Sent as a prompt to me, you can send me one too at rephil!





	

**Author's Note:**

> I was gonna post this like a month ago but I never got the energy to do so. Anyway, here it is!!! 
> 
>  
> 
> _Please ___for the love of god send me a prompt at my[tumblr](http://rephil.tumblr.com/ask) don't u want a fluffy fic handcrafted to your needs? ;)
> 
>  
> 
> This is a work of fiction, my friends

Maybe it was just because they were together for so long. Maybe as time progressed, Phil saw Dan in a completely different light. Sure, Phil admitted that he's quite terrified of it, Dan's his friend for Christ's sake, but whenever they spent more time together, it was as if Phil was being drawn closer, like a magnet. He was afraid of the truth of his emotions.

Phil didn't want to call it lust, neither did he want to call it love. It was probably because of the nagging voice scolding himself over and over, _it won’t happen_. Every fiber of his being told him that he needed Dan, in fact, he _craved_ Dan. But the logical part of him told him that Dan only saw him as a friend and nothing more.

Maybe it's because their friendship was _completely_ impossible, but it happened. Phil wouldn't have thought that someone as gentle and sweet as Dan Howell, a person who wore flower crowns on a daily basis, would want to be his friend in the first place. He was the complete opposite, in fact; he bore tattoos all over his arms, his clothing was anything that absorbed too much light, and he didn't give a fuck when people told him he had too many piercings.

But Dan had a sort of power that drove him crazy. His style, for one, usually brightened Phil’s day, quite literally and figuratively. The soft glow of his pastel jumpers, the vibrant colors of his assortment of flower crowns--he probably had twenty-- and his beautiful smile blew Phil away.

He was lucky enough to be his seatmate in Algebra II. If it weren’t for that, Phil would’ve never gotten the guts to talk to him. If it weren’t for that, he wouldn’t know that they enjoyed the same movies, the same video games, and surprisingly, the same music. It was as if they were meant to be together.

“Hey Dan,” Phil greeted as he approached Dan stuffing books in his locker. Today he wore a fuzzy purple jumper and white skinny jeans. Phil tried his best to keep his eyes above the belt to avoid staring at Dan’s legs.

“Hey!” Dan acknowledged as he closed his locker gently. By the end of the day, Dan’s hard work of straightening his hair gets washed down the drain since it returns back to its curly and wavy nature. Phil didn’t mind though, he wanted to run his hand through it badly, but he knew Dan was strict with personal space. He decided to shove his hands into the pockets of his leather jacket.

“Ready to go?” he asked, and Dan nodded his head. They quietly made their way to the deserted parking lot, none except Phil’s motorcycle in view. Dan talked about his piano lessons and complained about how sore his fingers were. Phil just listened to his ramblings.

They are on their way to PJ’s party. It took Phil days to convince Dan to come because he didn’t really know a lot of people there, and he was scared he’d be out of place. The only comfort that made Dan agree was that he learned Tyler was going to be there, the only salvation that will keep him occupied besides Phil.

“Do we really have to go to that party?” he whined, securing the helmet on his head while Phil did the same.

“I don’t mind if you don’t want to go. I guess I’m just gonna stay there. By myself. Lonely,” he pouted and turned his back from Dan, riding the motorcycle and starting the engine.

Dan rolled his eyes. “Fine, but promise me we won’t do anything stupid,” he said, crossing his arms and hopping onto the bike as well.

“Will do, princess.” Dan punched his arm playfully and proceeded to wrap his arms around Phil, holding on tight before they drove off.

* * *

When they arrived at PJ’s house, the streets were filled with cars. Phil was lucky he was using a motorcycle or he’d have to worry about parking. He simply parked it between Chris’s and Louise’s car, he’s sure he would leave earlier than them to bring Dan back home.

Once they’ve gotten rid of their helmets and securing it on the handles, Dan clung on to Phil’s arm and looked at him worriedly. There were a lot of people who he didn’t even recognize. Are any of them still in high school? But Phil reassured him by patting Dan’s hand and guided them inside.

The music got louder and louder the closer they walked to the front porch and when they entered the opened door (where a couple is making out by the foyer), the music practically pounded their eardrums. Dan felt like he’d be deaf ten minutes into the party.

“Hey, Phil and Dan! It’s great of you guys to come,” PJ yelled over the music, shoving a bottle of beer in Phil’s hand. “Go ahead and enjoy yourselves.” He patted their shoulders and went to greet other people.

Dan gave him a worried look and Phil shrugged, handing the bottle to the next person that passed him.

“Thank you,” Dan whispered.

“I don’t exactly want you driving my bike ever,” Phil explained and Dan laughed. As much as he wanted to get alcohol in his system, he had the responsibility of being Dan’s designated driver. He was the one that dragged him into this after all.

Dan felt a strong tug on his arm from behind him and when he turned around, he realized it was Tyler. “Hello! I can’t believe you’re here.” He was evidently tipsy since he can’t barely stand straight and his eyeglasses were skewed but he didn’t seem to notice.

Tyler wore a light yellow jumper, which was complementary to Dan’s outfit. They’d usually share clothes every once in a while, since they have the same tastes in style, and they both carry them out so well. Phil thought Dan looked better though, but maybe he’s just biased.

“Yeah, Phil dragged me here. We’re gonna leave soon, though,” he shouted over Tyler’s ear, though he knew he would hear him regardless.

“Oohh, are you guys planning to spend the night elsewhere?” he teased, poking Dan’s side. Dan grabbed his finger and bent it in the opposite direction, causing Tyler to yelp.

Phil sure hoped Tyler won’t tell Dan about his little crush on him. He accidentally heard him talking to PJ about it and asked him to promise not to breathe a word about the conversation to anyone ever. So far he’s doing a good job, but he wasn’t sure that he’d hold on to it while drunk.

“Anyway,” Phil started awkwardly. “I’m gonna leave you two together. I’m gonna find Caspar.” He looked over their heads to find him. He pointed accusingly at Tyler, “Don’t give him alcohol.”

Tyler slung his arm on Dan’s shoulder and gave him a thumbs up. “Don’t worry, I’ll protect little Danny here.” Phil was pretty sure Dan protested, but he just went on his way.

He needed advice right now and Caspar was the next person he can trust after Dan. And PJ. But both weren’t excellent choices right now; one was _the problem_ and the other was drunk. If he remembered correctly, Caspar assigned as the designated driver so drinking wasn’t an option for him either.

Despite that, he saw Caspar by the cooler with a drink in his hand. “I thought you were driving today?”

He looked mock-offended and placed his hand on his chest. “I didn’t know driving under the influence of iced tea is a bad thing.”

Phil glared at him and sat beside him. He said bluntly, “I need some help.”

Caspar took a sip on his drink and bobbed his head to the beat of the music, ignoring Phil for a few seconds before asking, “Is this in any way Dan issues?”

“Yes?”

Caspar got up to leave but Phil pulled his arm to sit him back down. He grumbled and said, “Look, if you’re not going to tell him anything, then there’s nothing I can do. I’m not gonna be your goddamn fairy godmother and whip out a dress so he’d notice you.”

“That’s not what I mean--”

“Well the reason why you’re here is because you don’t want to tell him directly, right?” Caspar raised his voice. And Phil nodded. “Well, I guess you can find a way to tell him _indirectly_.”

Phil rolled his eyes. “Yeah, and how am I supposed to do that?”

Caspar waved his hands around, he couldn’t be bothered with his friend’s problem. “Improvise. Whatever. Find the ‘right moment’,” he said while making air quotes.

Phil sighed as Caspar left him on the sofa. What should he do? Write how he feels on a poster board and have Dan read it? Hire a plane to write letters up in the sky? Phil was willing to do any of them if he could, he was too scared to do it upfront. He couldn’t think of the right words to say.

He decided it was a problem he’d have to face next time. He watched the game of beer pong taking place behind him. He cheered for Chris, who practically missed all the cups he’s aiming for by a foot. He’s already sluggish since the cups on his side were already empty.

Phil engaged in light conversations with a few people he knew, mostly from class or from after school when he smoked at the back of the campus. He decided to do one right now, stepping out for a few minutes, and chatted with Joe, who looked like he might pass out at any moment.

Once he was satisfied, Phil pushed past a lot of people to get inside and find Dan. He thought it would be easy to find pastel clothing amongst the crowd, but apparently not. It took him ten minutes to find him in the backyard with Tyler forcing him to drink a shot of tequila. It was too late for him to stop him since Dan gave in and downed the liquid with a sour expression before he got to them.

“What the hell, Tyler? I thought you’re not gonna give him any alcohol?”

“Relax, Phil. He’s just trying it out,” he propped himself up on the table and smirked. Beside him, Dan shook his head furiously.

“Well good thing you did because I’m never trying that ever again,” he said, pressing his hands on his temples while blinking a few times. He was growing redder by the minute and his breaths were labored.

Phil rolled his eyes. “Well, I guess that’s it, I’m taking Dan home.” He tried to grab Dan’s shoulders but he stopped him before he did.

“No, I told my mum I’d be at your house until ten. And there’s no way I’m going back before that,” Dan said.

Phil was flattered that his mother trusted Dan with him despite their differences. Phil held his hand firmly and Dan’s head shot up, watching him with wide eyes. “Fine. We’re staying here for a while, but not with Tyler,” he said and scowled at Tyler, who blew him a kiss.

Dan let him lead the way back inside the house, finding a place to sit in the corner by the fireplace. Dan seemed to be calming down now, probably just at shock after being introduced to alcohol. He still appeared flustered and wobbly on his feet, but Phil was there to balance him when he tipped over.

As they sat down, Phil tried to engage him in light conversation until the alcohol hopefully wears out in his system. A girl walked around with a cooler of drinks and Phil took out two bottles of water. Dan drank all the bottle’s contents in three big gulps.

“How about you, Phil? What do you like?” Dan asked raising his eyebrows as high as he can, almost disappearing in his fringe.

“What do I like?” Phil repeated. He thought for a moment. Dan definitely knew what kind of things he liked. “Muse, house plants, leather jackets, and pizza.” This wasn’t even news to him.

Dan waved his hand in front of his face. “No, not that, silly. I mean like with people. I like dark hair, blue eyes…” he counted other characteristics he found attractive with his fingers, but Phil was caught up with the first two he mentioned.

He furrowed his eyebrows and turned to him, watching as the flickering of the fire illuminate his rosy complexion. “Dark haired with blue eyes? Like me?” he tested. Dan clearly seemed to be losing his mental filter since he just spewed whatever came to his head. All because of one shot of tequila.

Dan blushed. “Like Haru! But I guess like you too. You’re cute. Even if you’re really dark and brooding.”

Is that what Dan thought of him? Although it was the kind of look he was going for, he thought he was too soft and bright to pull it off. PJ has told him in numerous accounts that he looked like he was trying too hard to look the way he is, and he’s convinced himself that PJ was right.

“Really? So you like me?” It was a risky question, Dan was definitely gonna remember this the next day, he wasn’t drunk. But he couldn’t take it back anymore. He’ll just have to live with whatever response Dan will give him.

“Maybe,” he shrugged, turning his body so that he was facing Phil. “But you’re really short. I like guys taller than me.”

“I’m two and a half inches shorter than you,” he reminded him dryly. He ignored the fact that he specifically mentioned “guys”, indicating he wasn’t straight after all. Phil’s heart leaped in excitement but shrugged it off immediately. Again: he’s tipsy, he probably won’t be saying the same thing next time.

And besides, it wasn’t his fault Dan suddenly got a growth spurt out of nowhere when he was a sophomore. Even if Phil was a year older than him, he still managed to catch up and exceed his height. He used to be the tallest person in the room, even taller than his older brother Martyn, but not anymore.

Since then Dan always teased him for it. Exaggerating their height difference as if it were a foot. Phil was clinging on to the hope that he’ll have his own growth spurt and bring him back to his standing, but Dan’s right; he already missed his chance from puberty.

“But why does height matter to you?” Phil asked.

He shrugged nonchalantly. “I don’t know. But why does height mattering to me matter to you?”

“Just because,” he replied simply. Phil didn’t want to say that he was hoping Dan liked him since he might just be teasing the entire time. They sat in silence, well Phil did, Dan was busy humming to the Pokemon theme song.

It suddenly dawned on him that they were in a party filled with many other people they can talk to. Phil found it ironic, they spend most of the time together, but never grew tired of each other. A lot of people kept walking past them, nearly stepping on their hands since it was too dark or they weren’t paying them the slightest attention. Phil wanted to move somewhere else but there was probably nowhere else to go.

Their conversation started to get more serious as Dan spiralled down his deep existential void and began questioning their purpose on earth. Sometimes it leaves Phil in thought about his own life too, but realize he shouldn’t care about it anyway. It’s not like he can do anything about it.

But the mere thought of it scared Dan even more. He felt powerless, having no real control over his own life and just relying on the things around him.

“Then what’s the point of even trying anymore? If the things around you influence what choices you make then why were we given the consciousness to have our own decisions?” Dan looked more troubled than when he drank the tequila.

Phil hugged his legs closer to his chest and said, “Maybe to create those influences that help other people make decisions.”

Dan threw his hands up, “Then the point in living is to make others do?”

He held his hands up in surrender and chuckled, “I don’t know! I’m just guessing.” Even without tequila, Phil happens to say whatever comes out of his mouth without even thinking. Sometimes he doesn’t realize what he just said until people stare at him dumbfoundedly. It surprised him that he hasn’t told Dan his feelings for him by accident yet.

“Well then what do you think is your purpose in life, Phil?” he asked seriously. The alcohol seem to be wearing off and he didn’t look as jittery as earlier.

Phil considered this question, averting his eyes to the fire as he contemplated this. He’d want to tell Dan what he really thinks: that life isn’t really about meaning, but simply existing. Enjoying today as if it were your last. But he didn’t want to tell him that since he would dive back into crippling anxiety, which might even be amplified with the alcohol.

“Hey guys! We’re gonna play Freeze Dance, come here if you want to join,” he heard PJ callout, pointing towards the living room indicating that the game will be taken place there.

“Seriously, isn’t that like a kiddie game?” Phil shouted.

PJ turned to glare at him and countered, “If you think Freeze Dance is a kid’s game then get the fuck out of my house.” Him and Dan laughed at this comment.

“We should join!” Dan chided, nudging his arm with his shoulders. He got up, dusting his trousers, and reached his hand for Phil.

He protested for a while but Dan didn’t listen, insisting that they should go. Phil rolled his eyes and took it, pulling himself up and following Dan to the living room. About fifteen people were grouped at the center of the room, eagerly waiting as PJ handled the music in his iPod connected to the speakers.

PJ got up on the sofa, raising his voice as he said, “The rules are pretty clear. Go nuts like goddamn Jesus Christ is here to save us when the music is on and freeze like a potato when the music is off. Got it?” Everyone mumbled in agreement.

He tapped his iPod and _Victorious_ started playing. Everyone started jumping up and down, banging their heads to the beat of the music while Dan invented random moves on the spot. Phil simply swayed his arms from side to side, his feet glued to the ground.

Dan rolled his eyes, taking both his hands and forcing him to dance. He alternately pulled Phil’s arms in attempt to ease the tension in his whole body, but it was just like trying to wiggle a tree out of its roots.

The music stopped abruptly, Dan’s eyes wide and Phil scrunching his nose. PJ and Marzia walking around to inspect if anyone moved. She eliminated two people in the group as PJ leaned close to Phil’s face while gawking at his and Dan’s intertwined hands.

He wagged his eyebrows knowingly and clapped. “Okay, time for round two!” He shuffled back to the speakers and played the music prompting the remaining players to dance again.

Dan followed the crowd and jumped up and down. Phil felt his heart pumping fast even if he wasn’t the one moving aggressively. He thought Dan was cute with his hair completely curled and his jumper airing out while he jumped. He was happy and seemed to be enjoying himself, even if it was just because he’s a little tipsy.

Phil tried to move a limb to pass as dancing, but he was just completely lost in Dan’s beauty. He was clumsy, awkward, inappropriate, and passionate about what he loves to do. He froze mid-karate chop as the song paused. Phil had his hands held out in front of him as if cowering in fear from him.

The song played again, but Dan had a different attack to make Phil dance. He jabbed Phil’s side while tap dancing, as if he knew how to. Phil caught Dan’s arm immediately and gripped it tightly. He squealed as Phil brought his free hand towards his neck to wiggle his fingers. Phil knew his weakness, but it was at the expense of Dan knowing his.

The music stopped and they were analyzed again. Dan tried to suppress his laughter but PJ caught him immediately. “Both of you, out!” he instructed, smirking at their antics. Phil was relieved he can finally stop but Dan was frustrated and blamed him for having them lose.

“You fucking suck at dancing, Phil,” Dan hiccuped. He wagged his finger at Phil and added, “And staying put!”

“How can I stay put if you were tickling me back there?” he argued, ignoring Dan’s first remark. He already knew in his heart that he had two left feet.

Dan raised his chin and closed his eyes. “Well only a true man can handle tickles.” He turned his back to Phil and watched the game as the song is at it’s last lines.

“Keep dancing,” PJ instructed as he chose the next song, and the people obliged.

Phil smirked and stepped closer to Dan placing his chin on his shoulder and wrapping his arms around Dan. Quite literally, he gave Phil the cold shoulder. He kept his eyes glued to one of the contestants as they did the macarena, which was off beat to Victorious. Phil dragged his chin along his shoulder until it was nestled on the juncture between Dan’s neck and collarbone.

“Are you a true man?” Phil tested, purposely breathing heavily against Dan’s skin.

“Yep,” he squeaked, digging his nails on Phil’s hands in attempt to break free from his grip. Phil didn’t move.

“Are you swift as a forcing river?” He raised his eyebrow.

Dan pouted. “With all the force of a great typhoon.” Dan never met Phil’s gaze, he suspected that it's because didn't make it past four rounds in the game.

Dance Dance filled the air and PJ increased the difficulty by pausing it every three seconds or so, it confused the contestants until only five people remained. Dan cheered for Tyler who was as red as a potato, giggling uncontrollably at his situation.

He didn’t win, though. Someone Phil didn’t recognize was awarded Queen of Freeze Dance and was given a ring pop.

Dan pouted, walked in front of Phil and complained, “I wanna ring pop!” He bumped his forehead on Phil’s shoulder. “I’m tired.”

He chuckled, bringing his hand to his hair and ruffling it gently. They watched people gather back at the center and dance on their own. It was a slower song this time. “We should probably get going,” Phil said. “It’s getting late anyway.”

“Can we stay for a while longer?” he whined.

“I thought you said you’re tired?”

Dan scrunched his nose. “Well if I go home, we won’t be together anymore.”

Phil’s physically felt his heart flutter but scolded himself immediately. It didn’t mean anything more than just a friendly comment. He can’t believe that Dan’s words could affect him this much, but here we are.

Phil sighed and rolled his eyes. “Just one more song.” Dan’s eyes lit up and surprised Phil as he wrapped his arms around his neck. Phil noticed PJ dimmed the lights a bit to let people have their moment with their partners. It also relieved him since Dan couldn’t see how red he’s turning. He hesitantly placed his hands on Dan’s hips as they swayed to Fallingforyou.

“I had fun tonight,” Dan mumbled against Phil’s collarbone. He stepped closer and nuzzled his head on his neck, earning a light giggle and a jab on his back.

“Me too,” Phil replied.

Dan leaned back enough to meet Phil’s eyes. He smiled and appreciated Dan’s eyes for a while, analyzing the specks of light brown against the pool of dark brown. He says he envied Phil for having blue eyes, believing that brown was the most basic eye color, but Phil begged to differ. They reminded him of coffee, because both made him look forward to the morning.

Phil’s heart pounded in his chest. He remembered what Caspar told him earlier: if he wanted to say what he felt, he should say it indirectly. That he should find the right moment. He was feeling it right now, adrenaline surging through him like he’s on a roller coaster. He tried to contain it to look as casual as possible.

Following the song, he mouthed, “I think I’m falling, I'm falling for you. And on this night and in this light. I think I’m falling, I’m falling for you.”

Dan smiled and slid his arms lower, cupping Phil’s face. He tilted his head to the side and mouthed, “Really?” Phil nodded earnestly, winding his arms around Dan’s torso and pulled him even closer.

“You’re all I need.” Dan smirked. It was enough for Phil to lean in and press their lips together. He felt amazing, their lips moved in sync, as if they were moulded just for each other. Dan’s lips were undeniably softer compared to his, but that’s because he constantly used cherry chapstick. He can even taste the residue.

Phil felt as if they were the only people in the room. He only felt Dan and every part of his body that touched him felt like they’re on fire. The hair at the back of his neck rose as Dan ran his hands in his hair.

It was a surprise that Phil heard someone clear their throat beside them. Dan was the first one to pull away, turning his head to the source of the sound, PJ.

“Hey guys, sorry to interrupt your love fest, but you’re absolutely gross right now. The guest room is empty if you need it,” he shook his head wearily and Dan blushed.

“Umm, that won’t be necessary. Thanks, I guess,” Phil spluttered, rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly.

PJ held his hands up. “No, I fully support… this. But not in front of everyone.”

Phil winced, “I know. We have to go anyway so umm… Thanks for inviting us.” They untangled themselves from each other and looked anywhere but at each other and PJ.

“Glad you guys had fun,” he walked away, but turned to say with a wink, “Remember to use protection. Remember what I taught you, Philly!”

“Screw you, PJ,” he called out, and Dan laced his fingers with his.

“Let’s go home,” Dan whispered, leading the way to the front door. They weaved their way through the people and took in a deep breath as they went out of the house. Dan got a bit lost searching for Phil’s bike, but remembered where it is.

Phil smirked and pushed Dan onto his bike, leaning towards him until their noses touched. The space was cramped since they were positioned between two cars, so Dan scooted back on the seat so that Phil can stand between his legs. The air was cold, but Phil could feel his cheeks warm up.

“What are you waiting for, Lester?” Dan whispered tauntingly, resting his arms on Phil’s shoulders.

Phil started with latching onto Dan’s bottom lip, nibbling it gently before kissing him properly. He tilted his head to the side and wrapped his arms around his waist. It started out slow and passionate, but Dan got more aggressive until he was left a panting mess. Phil couldn’t breathe either, but didn’t mind, he’s been waiting for this to happen for a long time.

He drew back and marvelled at how flushed Dan was, his lips red and plump and his hair sticking to his forehead. Phil ducked down to press soft kisses on his neck, making Dan shriek, his voice echoing through the streets. He slapped his hand on his mouth and giggled uncontrollably as Phil attacked his neck.

Dan managed to pull him off by his hair and Phil pouted. Dan sighed once he stopped giggling, placing his hands on Phil’s chest and meeting his eyes. No words were passed between them, but they knew what the other wanted to say. Dan kiss him gingerly, as if pouring everything he felt tonight and even more. It certainly helped Phil confirm that he was truly, deeply falling for him.

And he certainly won’t change his mind.

**Author's Note:**

> Kudos and comments are gladly appreciated! :D


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